Eye of the storm

I cant believe its been so long since I blogged, after telling myself i'll set aside time to blog each week. I feel so unreliable right now. So much has happened in the last few months i have barely had time to stop and gather myself. With exams, studying, parties, work, promoting, a trip to queensland, another trip to queensland, birthdays, dinners and finally ending up in china i have had next to no sleep in the last month and a half.
So far I spent two night at the white swan in GuanZhou while my parents did business, two nights in my City apartment in Longgang settling in and The last two night in the beach house resting. And my god ave i rested ! I had fifteen hours of sleep last night! I woke up forgetting how to walk >I have so much to be thankful for as well, such as my great friends and family who pick me up when i am at my worst.
There is only one thing that i am regretting this year, and that is lossing someome important to me needlessly. There was no cheating or lying as i had them believe, it was all a cheap ploy to distract them from my expressions of discontent. And so they left, at the worst possible time for them. It was for the best i suppose, thinking about their indescretions showed how it was less of a loss then i thought. What hurt the most when i was with them was that i knew i would always be second, thought about second most, cared about second best and loved second to someone else. Its not something i could have lived with. why is it that the substitues never seem as good no matter how much better they seem on paper ? Its been less then a month, but somehow it seems like its been forever- though it still hurts. Once again ive been replaced, by a newer model, and people wonder why i have a complex about staying young? They seems happy, and i guess in some way it should make me feel better, but it doesnt. It hurt so much when they were down and i did everything i could to make it better, even though they never knew and hopefully never will. Looking like the bad guy is better then looking like i tried but couldnt make it better in my eyes.
Either way, this year was a chance to learn and grow, Next year is when i make my mark. So many plans in my head just waiting to spring into action. Im going to show those who have no faith in me what i am exactly capable of. My goal this year is to be completely independent.
But before that i am going to enjoy my time away from all the BS that tends to plague my existence. Looking at how the people over here gives me a new profound outlook to life. Life doesnt have to be all social politics and complications. It can just be simple, like the old man sitting on the peir fishing or the old ladies that gather outside my gated community ever night to dance. Life is only as complicated as you make it. Sometimes i think those who have less, can gain so much more in life.
In this sense, i am reluctant to go home this time.